Thursday, March 19, 2009

The good things about college

I still have a great collection of random professor quotes. Most of these are from my classes, but some are contributed by other people. A few are classmate quotes. And some are just random quotes from Europe (because it was a study abroad, I consider the whole trip a classroom). Enjoy!

“I like to write that “F” word on the board and just leave it there.”
-Dr. Thorpe

“What is bullshit?”
-Dr. Vokos, talking about a book by the same name.

“Hitler engaged the culture! Hitler changed the world!”
-Dr. Neuhouser on SPU’s motto (Engaging the culture, changing the world)

“And Tycho says, ‘Yeeeeah baby!’”
-Dr. Stiling

“Do we want to spontaneously generate Mexican hats?”
-Dr. Vokos (the correct answer is, “no, we do not”)

“We are God’s logical sheep”
-Dr. Vokos

“If the Grinch comes and destroys the sun, we will not know for 8.5 minutes.”
-Dr. Vokos

"Did you know that ants herd cows?"
-Dr. Amorose

"My muse can beat up your muse!"
-Dr. Amorose

"I love hell."
-Dr. Amorose

Dr. Amorose: When does the nightingale sing?
Student: At night?
Dr. Amorose: That's the stupidest question I've ever asked

"Would someone like to be Satan?"
-Dr. Amorose

"Can someone ever seduce you without your consent? It depends on how much ecstacy you take."
-Dr. Amorose

"In Ken and Barbie land they'll always have the yogurt they like."
-Dr. Amorose

"Remember guys, we have penises, but babies can't direct them."
-Dr. Smyth

"Felt boards are going to be here until Jesus comes and I'm convinced they'll be here after He leaves."
-Dr. Smyth

"Pornography would be like transparencies to flip through or something"
-Goggans, talking about what it would be like if girls were "into" invisible guys

"Who said murder was wrong? Well, the people who don't want to be murdered."
-Prof. T. (aka Goggans)

"I'm going to make a question on the test 'what is the most beautiful car in the world: a, b, c, d....' and the answer is going to be b: the Mini Cooper."
-Prof. Goggans

Mr. Marsh (pointing to his tie, which had a trumpet on it): This is the instrument that I played all through high school. Trumpet players have a certain attitude, and you know why? What was the instrument in Revelation at the end times? Was it the flute shall sound? No. Was it the clarinet shall weep? No. No one said anything about the Oboe. It was the trumpet shall sound.
Student: And what other instrument could cause the end of the world?

"Oh no! My cat has free will. But I'm a dog lover so I won't even touch that one."
-Dr. MacDonald

"When the words the author used aren't even the words the author used."
-Dr. MacDonald

"He's probably the best pope ever. I wouldn't know though- I'm not Catholic."
-Dr. MacDonald

"I think this is all related to what I like to call evil."
-Dr. MacDonald

"Know that evil is there, but don't let it lead you to jumping off Fremont bridge."
-Dr. MacDonald

"I'm not saying look fit or YOU'LL DIE."
-Dr. MacDonald

"Most of the books on the Safeway shelves are probably written by guys who don't know what love is."
-Dr. MacDonald

"How this all fits I do not know."
-Dr. MacDonald

"I'm not here to tell you water isn't good. I love water. I don't want to live my life without water, but I could do it. Water that you swim in because I love water."
-Dr. MacDonald

"This guy is ticked off about two things: his books aren't selling and philosophy's not popular."
-Dr. MacDonald )he said this about himself)

"It started out good didn't it? Like perfect. Like paradise."
-Dr. MacDonald (about Genesis 1, 2 & 3)

"Let's go get a birthday party and have a radical birthday party."
-Dr. Smyth

"I'm the male muse. I bring the mail in every day."
-Dr. Amorose

"They stood over this nozzle and had this stuff called 'soap' that they smeared all over their bodies and thought it was getting them clean, but really it was a cause of cancer."- Dr. Amorose (what people will say about our culture in the future)

"Maybe Reinsma will end up in limbo."
-Dr. Amorose

"Food chain...food strain...food system...food stream!"
-Dr. Amorose

Student: Beelzebub. Who is Zebub?
Amorose: I don't know. I think he played for the Mets.

"All these figures are nude under their clothing in the same way all of us are nude under our clothing."
-Dr. Caldwell

"He who lacks discipline is a crappy person."
-Another Dr. Smythism

"What if when we get to heaven Jesus has a mullet?"
-Dr. Smyth

"For the play (Antigone) to really be universal they'd have to do it naked, but that wouldn't go over well here at SPU. They probably didn't even think about that, well they might have, but really I don't know anything."
-Prof. Macdonald

"Only 2 or 3 more years and you'll all start to die."
-Prof. Macdonald

"Say it twice- Plenary Session. It's a good word, not too hard."
-Prof. Macdonald

"I could go off in French and that really would be a tangement. (yes, he said tangement)"
-Prof. Macdonald

"I don't want you to take me seriously and think I'm prejudice, although I probably am."
-Prof. Macdonald

"It can banish you to different houses, like Griffindor or Enumclaw."
-Goggans, on Harry Potter and the Sorting Hat

"Sex needs to be orderly... now, that does not mean get out the metronome!"
-Prof. Goggans

"When you have a baby, two things come to mind. The first is, 'Oh my.' The second is, 'Oh shit!'"
-Dr. Steele (ordained minister)

"Actually, my son looks a lot like Isaac Newton."
-Dr. Steele

"I don't really like 'seekers.' They like angels and Precious Moments and 'What Would Jesus Do?'...What would Jesus do? Jesus would kick your ass."
-Prof. Wolfe

"A strong mother/weak father can lead to hating men just as much as a strong domineering father can lead to hating men. In fact, it's just easy to hate men."
-Prof. Wolfe

"I have never met someone who wasn't an American who actually liked BBQ sauce."
Prof. Klein

“If you put a dog in the dryer and you open the door, what happens? They jump out and they bite you!”
-Dr. Trzyna

To student when she came in late and didn’t realize we were all sitting in a circle: “We’re in a circle. You know when an egg is fertilized and there’s this little bloody spot in the middle? That’s you.”
-Dr. Trzyna

“My job is to say vague things about all of this.”
-Dr. McDonald

“God may have created the universe and all of our memories 15 minutes ago and we’d have no way of knowing”
-Dr. Congden

Aleya: I don’t have the spirit
Pierce: Is your soul the same as Matt’s spirit?
Ben: I have two souls

“There’s no brain state like the voting state!”
-Dr. McDonald

“Non-reductionist physicalism is Murphy…Murphy, Brown…Green. It’d be fun to have Candice Bergen here to defend it.”
-Dr. McDonald

“You can do all sorts of things…run around, get tired, enjoy pizza…disembodied souls don’t do those sorts of things.”
-Dr. McDonald

Dr. Chaney: It’s like the Rolling Stones—people who live off their earlier glory for 40 years…I’m not making any kind of current statement here…
Laura: You should be.
Dr. Chaney: …I mean, Mick Jagger is the same age as my mother—My mother! And I’m 40!

"Professors are dangerous. Don’t listen to them!"
-Dr. Chaney

"If God’s the only thing that’s good, then how is my hamburger good?”
-Prof. Bacon

Dr. Reinsma on finding about 15 of us reading in the yellow room in Wales in the evening: "Oh! I don't know whether to feel guilty or pleased..." Pause. "There's a pub next door."

Robin: I'm going to get my scrotum pierced.
Someone: Really?
Robin: No.
Us: That sounds so painful!
Robin: Honestly, your scrotum doesn't have many nerve endings.
Kristi, wide-eyed: How do you know?
Robin: Because I have one.

Janelle to me on the street in Dublin: I want to get a candy bar
Old man in street: Shut up you fucking asshole! [kicks her]
Janelle after we'd passed: That man just kicked me!
Me: You just got kicked by a schitzophrenic Irish man!

Nick, after arriving late to dinner because he was sleeping: We stayed in that bar for a loooong time.
Reinsma: Oh, that's why you slept so long!
Nick: Yeah......wait, NO!

"Mick Jagger looks like Gollum, actually."
-Prof. Suzanne Wolfe

"I'm like, bloody English, I hate them. I hate the English! I want to go home."
-Suzanne Wolfe (She is British)

Suzanne: Yeah I lived in Kansas.
Meguire: My Grandma lives in Massachusettes.
Suzanne: Massachusettes?
Meguire: Never mind. It made sense in my head.

"They have her head on the altar...she needs some moisturizer, but she was a really beautiful woman and you can tell. Really good bone structure...anyway, the point of this is that she looks a lot better than Aristotle would look."
-Suzanne on the church of St. Catherine of Sienna

"If ever I was canonized as a saint and they had a little glass box for me, you know what they'd preserve? My middle finger."
-Suzanne Wolfe

Kristi on drinks: "It was typical: I had a glass of white wine, Mark had a pint of beer, and Yoshi had a double shot of vodka."

Kristi, Mark, and Yoshi on pasties
Mark: I like the kind with meat inside.
Kristi: I like the kind with apple.
Yoshi: I like the kind made from crushed up smurfs.

"I once saw Janelle inhale a pigeon.
-Yoshi


"Once these two flies flew into my eye, mated, and then baby flies came out of my eye."
-Yoshi

"Well, this is kind of funny...but not funny like 'chopping off your head with a pen knife' funny."
-Suzanne about A Handful of Dust. (She was being serious that chopping your head off with a pen knife would be funny.)

"Prostitutes don't kiss on the mouth because it's too intimate...and because they don't want to get diseases."
-Suzanne (because that's the only way a prostitute could get a disease)

"I don't think we should go to Morocco because I'd get in a knife fight defending you and I'd lose because I don't have a knife."
-Dylan in Spain

Monday, March 16, 2009

Five

I was thinking about this idea way back when I had to write my personal mission statement (which is posted on my facebook). These are five areas of calling on my life. I don't know if I really like the term "calling," but I'll use it for lack of a better term. Also, I don't think these are the end-all be-all, but they're just the current things that seem to be somehow important.

Writing I've always had a thing for narrative. I used to want to be a writer, but somehow thought that had to be writing fiction, which I enjoy but don't seem to be particularly good at. Lately since I've been back in school, I've just realized that I HAVE to write. I just have to. Whatever that means, I'm pretty sure it's my destiny. Haha, my professor basically told me so too, so it's not just me.

Church I'm not sure if this is my spiritual gift or what, but I just have sense for things that are wrong with the church...like the church as a whole. They get under my skin...

Money I have a very strong sense of responsibility when it comes to money. Like if God keeps giving it to me, I have to make sure I put it to good use. I'm also a big fan of tithing.

Administration I'm good at administration. As in, I'm good with details, order, procedure, managing projects, etc.

Social Justice I think God calls us to respond to injustice in the world. What does that have to do with me? Well, I'm trying to figure that out...

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Fundamentalism: Well-put Brian McLaren!

"Fundamentalist religious movements...take words spoken five hundred or fourteen hundred or two thousand or fourteen hundred years ago and apply them, sharia-style, asa if they were intended to serve as today's annotated legal code, todays' constitution, today's how-to manual. They underestimate how the original words and teachings were situated--how deeply their sacred texts were rooted in gritty contemporary problems and human social contexts; instead, they see their sacred texts as timeless, placeless utterances coming from an arid, Platonic plane of universal abstractions.

And these fundamentalist movements also underestimate how equally situated their own interpretations and applications are. They don't recognize how movements and countermovements swirl around sacred texts like currents in a river, or how those shifting currents influnece their interpretations and appliations at every turn."

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Weaving

I keep trying to weave the strands of my life together into something--well, if not beautiful--at least functional. But they just seem to keep getting tangled up. Does that ever happen to you? I have more direction in life than I've ever had before, but right now, in this particular sliver of time, I feel more lost than ever.

The vocational bells have been ringing pretty loudly, but I'm not really sure what to do about them. I'm pretty sure that I want to write, but I'm not sure how to get to the point where I can make a living off of it. I know where I want to be, but I'm not sure how to get there and that's frustrating. My big-picture goal for now is just to finish grad school and deal with the details later.

I lost my job a few weeks ago, which has become both a huge relief and a huge stress. I need to work and make a living, but I'm scared to death of getting stuck in another job that I hate. I'm not qualified for anything but administrative work, but, given that all I really want to do is write and I can't take anything permanent until I finish grad school, I really just want to be a barista. Will that be enough to pay the bills? I doubt it. I'm not sure what to do. I've been half-heartedly applying for stuff that I really don't want because I have to since I'm trying to collect unemployment. Another long story that is boring, so I won't write about it. I kind of just want to not work and focus on school, but I need to be working because I get nothing done when I have too much free time. I'm supposed to be selling Mary Kay also, but there are a few more strings attached to that than I initally thought there would be, and really not much is happening with it, which is stressing me out. I'm trying to decide how much I want to keep pursuing it, if at all.

Additionally, I have tickets to go to the Philippines for a few weeks at the beginning of May, but it's a huge question mark whether I'm going or not. I need to decide soon. My flight right now basically needs to be pushed back, so I need to see if changing the flight is even possible. It's going to make finding a job pretty difficult too. I just don't know if I ought to go or not. I kind of want to, and I kind of don't. It would be a cool trip, but all the details of it are getting complicated.

It's just a lot right now. I feel overhwlemed.

Sunday, March 1, 2009

I seem to be drawn to controversial topics lately, so today I'm going to write about EVOLUTION.

I think that evolution is the heliocentrism of the 20th century. Take a second to mentally unpack that sentence and you'll figure out my view pretty quickly. Before I can really dig into any discussion about Christians and evolution, I have to first mention another topic: Taking the Bible literally.

TAKING THE BIBLE LITERALLY

You can't always take the Bible literally. Here's why:

"If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell" Matthew 5:29-30

"If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters—yes, even his own life—he cannot be my disciple." Luke 14:26

"So Judas threw the money into the temple and left. Then he went away and hanged himself. The chief priests picked up the coins and said, "It is against the law to put this into the treasury, since it is blood money." So they decided to use the money to buy the potter's field as a burial place for foreigners. That is why it has been called the Field of Blood to this day." Matthew 27:5-8

"With the reward he got for his wickedness, Judas bought a field; there he fell headlong, his body burst open and all his intestines spilled out. Everyone in Jerusalem heard about this, so they called that field in their language Akeldama, that is, Field of Blood." Acts 1:18-19

There's all kinds of other instances, but those are just a few off the top of my head. You can't always take the Bible literally, but you can sometimes take it literally. That is a whole different topic, but what it boils down to is that the amount of the Bible you take literally (how you interpret scripture) is something you have to work out for yourself, with God, with your conscience, with careful study, etc. Now, out of context, you can use the Bible to justify anything, so I'm not in any way saying that all interpretations are equal. We must interpret responsibly. We must carefully study the scriptures ourselves and also look to our faith traditions and our spiritual leaders to help us. But my point is that everyone interprets the Bible at least a little bit differently and we just have to acknowlege and be respectful of that. Just because some people (or some denomination), interpret the Bible differently, does not necessarily make them heretics. Just be respectful and stop being arrogant. Stick to your convictions, but do so with humility. Acknowledge that you don't know everything and you are not always right. You'd think that this would be common sense, but I swear that some Christians just don't grasp this concept.

Moving on to evolution. Did God create the world ex nihilo (ie "out of nothing") in 6 days, 8000 or so years ago? I honestly don't know for certain. Do you? Do you really? I am not a scientist and I am in a fortunate position where I don't need to come down hard on one side of this debate or the other. But if you are a Christian and a scientist, you pretty much have to make a determination. I've heard arguments for each, but I've heard better arguments for evolution. Would it surprise you to know that there are a fair number of Bible-believing, Jesus-loving Christians that also wholeheartedly believe in evolution? (There is also a slightly lesser known group that don't believe in evolution but do believe that the earth is billions, not thousands of years old).

I am not, dear friends, trying to convince you to become evolutionists. I don't consider myself to be one, but I am open to that possibility. Here's the thing: the Bible is not a science text book. It was written thousands of years ago in a completely foreign culture. I'm not saying that it's not true, but truth and accuracy are different things. Here's the other thing: Thomas Aquinas stated that God wrote two books, scripture and nature and they cannot contradict each other. Think about that. If you are a Christian, you have to believe that God created the world and that he created the scripture. Therefore, if they seem to contradict each other, the problem is with our understanding of one or the other. If you choose to ignore the evidence that evolution occurred (and there is evidence), that's fine. But you aren't necessarily being more holy. You are just putting your understanding of scripture above your understanding of nature. I don't think that the Christian who decides to agree with the evidence for evolution and re-examine his understanding of scripture is doing anything wrong either.

Why do Christians react so strongy to evolution? I mean, who really cares how we formed thousands (billions, whatever) years ago? How does that really affect our present reality? Well, number one, it shakes up our understanding of scripture and that's difficult. But it's good because anything that's worth believing in is worth questioning so that you come out stronger on the otherside. Number two, we do have a real problem if such a theory can disprove the existence of God. It can't. Trust me, they are not mutually exclusive. Don't be afraid of evolution. By all means, disagree with it if you must, but don't fear it. It can't hurt you.

Finally, because evolution has been used as a weapon by atheists against Christians, wouldn't it be better to neutralize it rather than continually fighting against it (and no offense, come across looking like idiots while doing so)? Instead of responding to "there is no God because there is evolution" with "WRONG. There is no evolution because there is God," say instead, "actually plenty of people believe in both God and evolution and here is why..." See? Completely neutralizes a pointless argument so that the discussion can become more productive. I just wonder, why do we so often insist on our own narrow view of things that don't really matter much theologically, even after those things have become a serious stumbling block to other people coming to Christ? People think that Christians are arrogant and narrow-minded. Those are not good things to be. Stick to your beliefs, but do it with humility. Things would be so very different if we could start doing that. All I'm asking is that you please think about it.