The good things about college

I still have a great collection of random professor quotes. Most of these are from my classes, but some are contributed by other people. A few are classmate quotes. And some are just random quotes from Europe (because it was a study abroad, I consider the whole trip a classroom). Enjoy!

“I like to write that “F” word on the board and just leave it there.”
-Dr. Thorpe

“What is bullshit?”
-Dr. Vokos, talking about a book by the same name.

“Hitler engaged the culture! Hitler changed the world!”
-Dr. Neuhouser on SPU’s motto (Engaging the culture, changing the world)

“And Tycho says, ‘Yeeeeah baby!’”
-Dr. Stiling

“Do we want to spontaneously generate Mexican hats?”
-Dr. Vokos (the correct answer is, “no, we do not”)

“We are God’s logical sheep”
-Dr. Vokos

“If the Grinch comes and destroys the sun, we will not know for 8.5 minutes.”
-Dr. Vokos

"Did you know that ants herd cows?"
-Dr. Amorose

"My muse can beat up your muse!"
-Dr. Amorose

"I love hell."
-Dr. Amorose

Dr. Amorose: When does the nightingale sing?
Student: At night?
Dr. Amorose: That's the stupidest question I've ever asked

"Would someone like to be Satan?"
-Dr. Amorose

"Can someone ever seduce you without your consent? It depends on how much ecstacy you take."
-Dr. Amorose

"In Ken and Barbie land they'll always have the yogurt they like."
-Dr. Amorose

"Remember guys, we have penises, but babies can't direct them."
-Dr. Smyth

"Felt boards are going to be here until Jesus comes and I'm convinced they'll be here after He leaves."
-Dr. Smyth

"Pornography would be like transparencies to flip through or something"
-Goggans, talking about what it would be like if girls were "into" invisible guys

"Who said murder was wrong? Well, the people who don't want to be murdered."
-Prof. T. (aka Goggans)

"I'm going to make a question on the test 'what is the most beautiful car in the world: a, b, c, d....' and the answer is going to be b: the Mini Cooper."
-Prof. Goggans

Mr. Marsh (pointing to his tie, which had a trumpet on it): This is the instrument that I played all through high school. Trumpet players have a certain attitude, and you know why? What was the instrument in Revelation at the end times? Was it the flute shall sound? No. Was it the clarinet shall weep? No. No one said anything about the Oboe. It was the trumpet shall sound.
Student: And what other instrument could cause the end of the world?

"Oh no! My cat has free will. But I'm a dog lover so I won't even touch that one."
-Dr. MacDonald

"When the words the author used aren't even the words the author used."
-Dr. MacDonald

"He's probably the best pope ever. I wouldn't know though- I'm not Catholic."
-Dr. MacDonald

"I think this is all related to what I like to call evil."
-Dr. MacDonald

"Know that evil is there, but don't let it lead you to jumping off Fremont bridge."
-Dr. MacDonald

"I'm not saying look fit or YOU'LL DIE."
-Dr. MacDonald

"Most of the books on the Safeway shelves are probably written by guys who don't know what love is."
-Dr. MacDonald

"How this all fits I do not know."
-Dr. MacDonald

"I'm not here to tell you water isn't good. I love water. I don't want to live my life without water, but I could do it. Water that you swim in because I love water."
-Dr. MacDonald

"This guy is ticked off about two things: his books aren't selling and philosophy's not popular."
-Dr. MacDonald )he said this about himself)

"It started out good didn't it? Like perfect. Like paradise."
-Dr. MacDonald (about Genesis 1, 2 & 3)

"Let's go get a birthday party and have a radical birthday party."
-Dr. Smyth

"I'm the male muse. I bring the mail in every day."
-Dr. Amorose

"They stood over this nozzle and had this stuff called 'soap' that they smeared all over their bodies and thought it was getting them clean, but really it was a cause of cancer."- Dr. Amorose (what people will say about our culture in the future)

"Maybe Reinsma will end up in limbo."
-Dr. Amorose

"Food chain...food strain...food system...food stream!"
-Dr. Amorose

Student: Beelzebub. Who is Zebub?
Amorose: I don't know. I think he played for the Mets.

"All these figures are nude under their clothing in the same way all of us are nude under our clothing."
-Dr. Caldwell

"He who lacks discipline is a crappy person."
-Another Dr. Smythism

"What if when we get to heaven Jesus has a mullet?"
-Dr. Smyth

"For the play (Antigone) to really be universal they'd have to do it naked, but that wouldn't go over well here at SPU. They probably didn't even think about that, well they might have, but really I don't know anything."
-Prof. Macdonald

"Only 2 or 3 more years and you'll all start to die."
-Prof. Macdonald

"Say it twice- Plenary Session. It's a good word, not too hard."
-Prof. Macdonald

"I could go off in French and that really would be a tangement. (yes, he said tangement)"
-Prof. Macdonald

"I don't want you to take me seriously and think I'm prejudice, although I probably am."
-Prof. Macdonald

"It can banish you to different houses, like Griffindor or Enumclaw."
-Goggans, on Harry Potter and the Sorting Hat

"Sex needs to be orderly... now, that does not mean get out the metronome!"
-Prof. Goggans

"When you have a baby, two things come to mind. The first is, 'Oh my.' The second is, 'Oh shit!'"
-Dr. Steele (ordained minister)

"Actually, my son looks a lot like Isaac Newton."
-Dr. Steele

"I don't really like 'seekers.' They like angels and Precious Moments and 'What Would Jesus Do?'...What would Jesus do? Jesus would kick your ass."
-Prof. Wolfe

"A strong mother/weak father can lead to hating men just as much as a strong domineering father can lead to hating men. In fact, it's just easy to hate men."
-Prof. Wolfe

"I have never met someone who wasn't an American who actually liked BBQ sauce."
Prof. Klein

“If you put a dog in the dryer and you open the door, what happens? They jump out and they bite you!”
-Dr. Trzyna

To student when she came in late and didn’t realize we were all sitting in a circle: “We’re in a circle. You know when an egg is fertilized and there’s this little bloody spot in the middle? That’s you.”
-Dr. Trzyna

“My job is to say vague things about all of this.”
-Dr. McDonald

“God may have created the universe and all of our memories 15 minutes ago and we’d have no way of knowing”
-Dr. Congden

Aleya: I don’t have the spirit
Pierce: Is your soul the same as Matt’s spirit?
Ben: I have two souls

“There’s no brain state like the voting state!”
-Dr. McDonald

“Non-reductionist physicalism is Murphy…Murphy, Brown…Green. It’d be fun to have Candice Bergen here to defend it.”
-Dr. McDonald

“You can do all sorts of things…run around, get tired, enjoy pizza…disembodied souls don’t do those sorts of things.”
-Dr. McDonald

Dr. Chaney: It’s like the Rolling Stones—people who live off their earlier glory for 40 years…I’m not making any kind of current statement here…
Laura: You should be.
Dr. Chaney: …I mean, Mick Jagger is the same age as my mother—My mother! And I’m 40!

"Professors are dangerous. Don’t listen to them!"
-Dr. Chaney

"If God’s the only thing that’s good, then how is my hamburger good?”
-Prof. Bacon

Dr. Reinsma on finding about 15 of us reading in the yellow room in Wales in the evening: "Oh! I don't know whether to feel guilty or pleased..." Pause. "There's a pub next door."

Robin: I'm going to get my scrotum pierced.
Someone: Really?
Robin: No.
Us: That sounds so painful!
Robin: Honestly, your scrotum doesn't have many nerve endings.
Kristi, wide-eyed: How do you know?
Robin: Because I have one.

Janelle to me on the street in Dublin: I want to get a candy bar
Old man in street: Shut up you fucking asshole! [kicks her]
Janelle after we'd passed: That man just kicked me!
Me: You just got kicked by a schitzophrenic Irish man!

Nick, after arriving late to dinner because he was sleeping: We stayed in that bar for a loooong time.
Reinsma: Oh, that's why you slept so long!
Nick: Yeah......wait, NO!

"Mick Jagger looks like Gollum, actually."
-Prof. Suzanne Wolfe

"I'm like, bloody English, I hate them. I hate the English! I want to go home."
-Suzanne Wolfe (She is British)

Suzanne: Yeah I lived in Kansas.
Meguire: My Grandma lives in Massachusettes.
Suzanne: Massachusettes?
Meguire: Never mind. It made sense in my head.

"They have her head on the altar...she needs some moisturizer, but she was a really beautiful woman and you can tell. Really good bone structure...anyway, the point of this is that she looks a lot better than Aristotle would look."
-Suzanne on the church of St. Catherine of Sienna

"If ever I was canonized as a saint and they had a little glass box for me, you know what they'd preserve? My middle finger."
-Suzanne Wolfe

Kristi on drinks: "It was typical: I had a glass of white wine, Mark had a pint of beer, and Yoshi had a double shot of vodka."

Kristi, Mark, and Yoshi on pasties
Mark: I like the kind with meat inside.
Kristi: I like the kind with apple.
Yoshi: I like the kind made from crushed up smurfs.

"I once saw Janelle inhale a pigeon.
-Yoshi


"Once these two flies flew into my eye, mated, and then baby flies came out of my eye."
-Yoshi

"Well, this is kind of funny...but not funny like 'chopping off your head with a pen knife' funny."
-Suzanne about A Handful of Dust. (She was being serious that chopping your head off with a pen knife would be funny.)

"Prostitutes don't kiss on the mouth because it's too intimate...and because they don't want to get diseases."
-Suzanne (because that's the only way a prostitute could get a disease)

"I don't think we should go to Morocco because I'd get in a knife fight defending you and I'd lose because I don't have a knife."
-Dylan in Spain